Randomness

We just signed up for Peetniks! I'm so excited... Now we'll get our coffee every 35 days - just like Gevalia only better! Very exciting. Peetniks takes your order and sends the order to you the next day from that day's roast! So you know your coffee is super fresh!
It's good stuff, if you're a coffee hound, check it out.

We had a great Christmas! My mom was here, it was great that she was able to drive here. It means she's made great progress since her stroke. It also boosted her confidence enough to offer to babysit for us for New Years EVE! YAY! The little guy had so much fun unwrapping presents and playing with his new stuff. And hanging out with GRANDMA! He wanted not much to do with us. He just wanted GRANDMA! So fun to see them bond so well, and a nice break for us!

I cooked a beef tenderloin which I'd never done before. It was amazing! I had extra money from teaching piano lessons so I splurged on a great cut of meat for Cmas day. It was worth it. And we have GREAT LEFTOVERS!

We go to the same party every year for New Year's Eve. It's become the only way we see some of our friends (who also go to the same party every year). When I was single, I would stay the night and the party always goes into the next day starting with STRONG coffee and sticky buns and watching movies and playing games ALL DAY LONG! It was great fun. Well now we're not single, and we have a small child so it changes things but it's still fun to go.

In a few minutes I'm going to take the little guy to a mall where there is a great kids play area... he can run off some of his energy there. It's cold and snowy and icy here. We don't have much of a yard either, so off we go to the mall.

Also, on an unrelated note, the little guy is starting to get braver about his eating. I'm so relieved. He'll eat more of what we're eating now and is less picky as long as I give him some choices on his plate, he usually wants ate least one thing there. I was getting SO FRUSTRATED! It was so hard to feed him there for a while. Very picky guy. Yesterday I made him a banana smoothie and he drank a LOT OF IT! wow. And we took him out to eat with us last night... he ate some of my pasta and some of daddy's potato and filled his tummy right up! He even ate some broccoli "trees" on Christmas Day! Merry Christmas to Mommy!

My mom drove us a little nuts the first day. She has this issue with food (from growing up in the depression, I'm sure) and she ALWAYS brings a ton of food to our house, even though I am perfectly capable of feeding us all very well. It kind of bugs me. She even was late getting to our house because she decided to stop at the grocery store and get stuff for Christmas even meal - even though that was my gig. So I told her "Mom, I got it handled, you didn't have to do that." She says "Oh, I know, I just thought what if it snows more and we can't get to the grocery store and we have nothing to eat?" I was really ticked off at first but I found compassion the next day, because it's not like she is going to do anything about this now. We've discussed it before, to no avail... so ::sigh:: I am trying to let her be her, and be me, and find a way to not let that kind of stuff color our times together too much.

Also, she's had a few strokes in the last few years so all of these things that used to be a little weird have gotten WAY weirder. And she talks CONSTANTLY now. There is no break. No silence is oK with her. She'll even say she's uncomfortable with silence. And that is not who or how she used to be. It is exhausting for us, because we're very much not like that!! My husband and I have gotten a system down where we "take turns". One of us sort of wanders off for a "break" while the other listens, and vice versa later... and so on. I feel like I've lost my mom - the friend I used to have in her. She's very inward focused now. I've talked to her about some of this stuff, but she doesn't get it or whatever, and again... I'm learning to let her be her and me be me....

Do I sound like a broken record?! :o)

Pissed Off Rant

For a few days or weeks. I'd like to know how it would feel to use MY Personality and my Filters Background as a free get out of jail pass.

A great big Shield that lets me whine to everyone else: Don't treat me with anything less that extreme care because I have a BACKGROUND and a PERSONALITY that MAKES me this way.

I'm tired of walking on eggshells today. Can you tell?

Listen here, you: You want to use your Filters and your Personality and your Background for protection? Well I'll give you a Background that will blow yours right out of the water. And a Personality that is so ripe for neurosis you will wonder how I haven't killed myself yet. And I'll show you some Filters that will curl your toes.

Here's the thing: Filters can be counteracted with new filters. Here's my biggest one: I will not - absolutely WILL NOT listen to my own bullshit!
Personalities can become our assets. They come complete with GOOD and bad. I work on the good stuff and try to find healthy ways to live with the bad. And it sucks for me sometimes to be me. But I can learn my way around the suckiness and NOT ASK OTHERS TO BOW DOWN TO my PERSONALITY!
Backgrounds can be re framed, or at the very least NOT USED AS AN EXCUSE to walk around completely victimized day after day after day. Especially when people genuinely care about you and are not out to get you.

And YET.... I am trying to learn how to let people be who they are. Be Who They Are. Human, Ordinary and wonderful, Holy Children of God. And, I should add, that I'm learning how to let ME be who I am. Whoever the hell that is....

God help me.